Being Wise To Tell Babybirth Process

My status today attracted many comments. Some of them were irrelevant but there were people who asked why did I write such a line. Here what I wrote,

“ to all moms, why don’t u just say that you’ve forgotten the pain of giving birth rather than announce it to all people and let your extra ordinary reward you have received (from God) disappear with a story that may also soon forgotten.”

I am writing this because inspired by someone whose excited to tell people about how hard she was undergoing the process of becoming a mom. Perhaps for many people it was common things, but in my perspective the story seems excessive, and it reminds me of a life advice given by my teacher, Nyai Hajjah Romlah Aly, Lc Alhafidzah. A very tawaddhu' and Fiqh expert, mukminah kaffah, and an accountable Hafidzah. She noticed a lot to me and one of them on how to undergo the process of becoming a mother.

The process of pregnancy until birth is not something easy, this is clearly explained in the Quran surah Luqman verse 14,

"And we commanded to man (to do good) to the two mother and his father, his mother had conceived him in a state of weakness that increase steadily, and weaning in two years. Give thank to Me and to both mother and father, and only to Me is your return."

The women’s conditions during pregnancy is something that cannot be equated with one another. There is one strong and powerful, there is one weak and very exhausted, the other one has a continuous pain, and even the other one may not feel any pain. But the undeniable changes associated with the growing life inside a woman's body is something that requires adaptation. Stomach is becoming increasingly bigger, the interplay hormones between hormones which are released by fetus or hormones that produced by mom's body creates certain changes in mom's, either physical or chemical. This condition is what is meant by exhaustion that increase steadily. This also occurred to a birthing process, every woman has given birth on their own experience. We were able to learn the process of pregnancy and birth through the handbook of health, but still, mom is the only one who felt how the process is ongoing. In this case, it described superbly that if a believing woman died after give birthing, God would determine her as shaheed dying (martyr).

"Martyrs who was died out of killed in Allah's path are seven: tha'un plague is a martyr, drowning victim is a martyr, gastric disease (such as the liver) is a martyr, died of stomach disease is a martyr, fire victim is a martyr, who died crushed by the rubble is a martyr, and a woman who died of childbirth is a martyr. “(Narrated by Malik, Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and al-Nasai, also Ibn Majah. Syu'aib Al Arnauth said: hadith saheeh).

And because the whole process is not an easy thing, then its called as “Women’s Holy War” or the jihad of muslimah. And only patience that can bring us the great rewards. However, when all the process was complete, the euphoria of moms often made them forget that they also must be sincere with what had gone through, by not mentioning all pains and suffer.Because of givebirthing, and through that context is feared there will be a sense of ujub (pride), riya (showing off), happy to be praised, and takabbur (arrogant) that they could through it all, whereas there is no power but God. Those bad hearted condition is feared will eliminate the rewards they’ve got, like people who gave alms but kept named it all the time.

Well, this is the reason why I wrote that status. I want to share motivation to all moms and moms-to-be to learn to live wisely in the process of becoming a mother. The first, one of human nature is to complain, especially in pregnancy, there ara lot of temptations to complain, but we can learn to be patient by restricting to whom we complained, for example only to the husband, or parents. Learning to be patient also gave a very good effect for the fetus. Because mom’s inner calm conditions will decrease the frequency of brain waves. The low frequency of brain waves will increase endurance and helps the body back on the condition of homeostatic in which all the organs functioning normally. This will be very useful for development of the fetus, and also working as the first spiritual lesson between fetus and mom, bacuse mom's spiritual feeling is so strong in direct communication with the fetus.

The second, after post-birth, many moms unwittingly tells a lot about their pain experience. We can also learn to be wiser to share, by saying the process is smooth and not to say about the pain was unbearable. Or by replacing the pain signing sentence with a common words for eg. signs of chhildbirth, contractions, and so forth. Birth stories are always interesting, but with a little wisdom, we can share the happiness with people around us and at the same time keep us cautious hopefully not to say wrong thing and may lose the great reward from God. May Allah protect us from bad hearts, aameen ...

Wallahu a’lam bisshawaab